I had been praying for the Lord to make it clear when it was time to let her go. Last night I knew we had to as soon as we could today. She never slept. I never slept. She was shaking and panting and moaning and going to the bathroom every ten minutes all night long. She couldn't get comfortable and wouldn't settle down. She hadn't been able to keep any food down since Monday. She was looking so weak and so confused. She'd turn over and over and sit up and stare and tap me with her paw begging me to make it better. The decline happened so rapidly. In some ways I know that was a blessing. But last night, oh it was killing me. My poor sweet Bella girl. I knew, we had to let her go.
So early this morning our very compassionate vet and her sister who work together were with us as we peacefully let her slip away to heaven. And I am holding onto the fact that dogs do go to Heaven. I just have to right now.
In a very child-like way earlier this week I begged Jesus to please take care of her. I know He is. But I need to feel comforted knowing that. I still feel like I'm her mom and I need to make sure someone is taking care of her. I'm still letting go and grieving the loss of having her here with us.
Both my husband and I have so many triggers like when we take out the trash, she'd come running to follow us outside, or when we walk in the laundry room we instinctively check her water dish, or when the kids are in bed, how she'd jump up on the couch to snuggle. Oh the list could go on. Her absence is felt so strongly right now.
I called her Bella bunny because she bounded around more like a bunny than a dog. She had such spirit and really truly the love poured out of her body as every ounce of her wiggled with that darling tiny tail that wagged so excitedly about life. I want to envision her doing all those things through fields and meadows of such amazing beauty I can't even imagine them.
In memory of our sweet Bella girl.
August 18 1999 - January 8 2011
Much love my sweetheart.